The Online Dating Question To Lie or Not to Lie free essay sample

April 30, 2012 To Lie or Not to Lie? The Online Dating Question As one generation passes to the next, the way singles find partners changes, now it is changing from traditional dating to online dating. Online dating has become increasingly widespread and tends to be the future trend. People are more likely to use dating websites than traditional dating, because they can meet numerous people in a straightforward way. Parents start worrying about their childrens future partners on dating websites. Yet, they do not know what suggestion to give as the method of communication changes drastically from real life interaction to using the omputer and Internet. To be an honest person is what people learn when they are young. Now, the situation is altered such that parents should teach their children strategically when meeting people on dating websites. Through dating websites, people can keep having a close relationship without seeing each other directly. We will write a custom essay sample on The Online Dating Question: To Lie or Not to Lie? or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page But, the technology barriers promote people to lie about their personal information. Lying on dating websites becomes a more and more common phenomenon. People are taught to be honest, but lying on small points can help people succeed in finding a date online. One study explains telling truth is the most important thing people should do when they communicate because the trust is the foundation of building interpersonal relationships (Davis). No one likes to be deceived. When people find out about a lie, they will be really disappointed and suspicious to everyone. Davis also points out a problem: that many daters face a similar difficulty: telling truth to their date. People are more likely to show their best to online daters, so they will hide some of their weaknesses and bad qualities. Therefore, their profile information is lways misrepresentative. It will lead to some harmful effects due to the fragile new relationship. Even though telling truth is extremely important, people still lie to each other. While the population of online daters increases as the time passes, the deception also increases. With higher statistics, 86% of online daters misrepresent their physical appearances and 46% online daters misrepresent their ages (Gibbs, Ellison, and Heino). There are various characteristics demonstrating how the dating websites cause individuals to hide their weaknesses. Through the research, physical ppearance, photographs, height, faith and religious beliefs are the most common characteristics people deceive others about. The research shows that many people post photos that are from several years ago or the time before they gain weight (Wagner). Another research study displays a similar idea: people also edit their photos through computer software (Hancock and Toma). For women, they are likely to upload the best version of their photos which might not look the exactly the same as in their real life. But, others will think there is a difference between the photo and eal people. One participant responds, Real chemistry is made in person (Wagner). If you really want to know the person, you should meet him or her in face to face. People Just see themselves ditterently as others do. Participants rate their own photos as accurate while others rate them less accurate (Hancock and Toma). While some do not have precise perceptions of their own characteristics, other people do it on purpose. For example, many shorter men tend to lie about their height for adding one or two inches. The authors suggest that participants were aware of the naccuracies in their profiles and that the discrepancies were most likely intentional (Toma, Hancock, and Ellison). No woman wants to be old, so some of them will lie about their age by posting a younger age. Sometimes, women cannot put accurate information about their body shape; they can only choose thin, average, fat or obese even if their and others perceptions of them do not match (Wagner). In addition, some people lie by omission and Just do not post their weaknesses on their profile (Wagner). Even though they do not lie directly, their behavior is still dishonest. Overall, those white lies do not really hurt other peoples feelings. They Just let individuals better present themselves. Some deceptions are more damaging because the lies are too big. As people tend to misrepresent themselves too much through various deceptive characteristics, they are more likely to destroy their online dating relationships. One participant angrily told her story going on a date with a she went on a man whose profile said he was 6 feet tall and his profile photo showed he had a full head of hair. When she met him in person, he was only 5 feet 3 inches and alding (Wagner). In this condition, the man lied too much that it was unacceptable for any women. In the study, most observed deceptions are slight; however, there are still a few extreme cases. In the extreme sample, people lie 3 inches in height, 35 pounds in weight, and 11 years in age (Toma, Hancock, and Ellison). Another participant was surprised as she found out several men who were lying about their relationship status because they were bored of their married life (Wagner). In this kind of situation, the lie is not small anymore. This will contribute to the unhappiness f a whole family. Although lying extremely about weight, age, personality, lifestyle is worse, lying about relationship status is the worst. Those significant lies cause a negative effect of online daters not believing others easily online. From the above information, we can see men and women misrepresent their profile differently, which is because they have opposite desires and preferences. A study with over 5,000 online daters reveals that men are more likely to misrepresent their personal assets, age and relationship goals, whereas women are more likely to misrepresent their eight (Hall et al. ). No matter in real life or on the Internet, women are continually on a diet. Because men prefer thinner dates, women lie more about their weight. As men get older, they start looking for younger dates who are regarded as more attractive (Hall et al. . In order to fulfill mens desires, older women are more likely to lie and say that they are a few years younger so that they have more chances to meet similarly aged men. For young women, they like to find someone who is ofa similar age as they are. Conversely, females do not really focus on males weight. They seek males who are taller and have more resources, like money and hous ing (Hall et al. ). For the sake of letting women to have more opportunities to search shorter mens profiles, men over-report their height by a few centimeters taller. These are the ways men and women misrepresent themselves differently. People would not lie when nothing motivates them. Although the percentage of online deception is high, people do not always intend to do that. Individuals attempt to describe themselves in an idealized future version with an inclination to project a version of self that was ttractive, successful, and desirable (Ellison, Heino, and Gibbs). Due to a large variety of motivations, online daters are more likely to deceive each other. To attract potential dates is reported as the most common motivation (Wagner). All the online daters want more people interested in them, so they try very hard to express positive images of themselves. Some participants respond that nobody will list their negative qualities on their profiles; otherwise no one will be willing to talk to them. Other participants say they do not want to seem like a stereotype so they choose do not rink in stead of several drinks a week (Wagner). In order to make a good first impression, people choose to deceive some points. Moreover, people deceive about their profiles because they want to be like the descriptions they write about. After lying about their profiles, participants have better intentions to be the person they like. Another reason that motives people to lie is to avoid being weeded out by other daters searches (Wagner). When someone is looking for men whose height is above 5 feet 9 inches, 5 feet 8 inches men will never have chance to show their profiles to women. Its not big deal to lie only about one inch because it can increase the rate to find a potential date. The last motivations people are dishonest about safety. People feel insecure to inform others of their exact locations when they know each other in a short time. Misleading others allows individuals to be safe and have the chance to manage the boundary between themselves and their relational partners (Cole). Also, it is likely that individuals uncomfortable with intimacy use deception to keep others at a safe distance (Cole 112). No matter how, our safety is the most important thing. Before knowing someone very well, everyone should not tell other people about their important information. Some people are Just too clingy that you cannot tell them where you live; otherwise, they might stalk you. In order to protect oneself, it is reasonable to lie about private things. In general, people all have many motivations to deceive: to attract potential dates, to show attractive physical appearance, and to make a good impression. When online daters find out their potential mates dishonesty, some of them are willing to overlook some deceptive statements; some are not willing to do so. It depends on how big the lie is. People who are unable to overlook deception have a strong belief in the importance of honesty in a loving relationship. In contrast, people, who do not care about slight embellishment, are more willing to overlook small deceptive characteristics. Lying slightly about hobbies, height and weight are acceptable. One participant says she is willing to look past slight weight or height variations because none of those are important to her (Wagner). These online daters seem to know peoples desire to attract potential partners and leave others an attractive impression. Accordingly, they regard white lies with lesser importance. Once, the discrepancies between the personal information and reality are too many, the new romantic relationships will be completely destroyed. No matter how, participants still believe the online dating is a successful method that brings two people to a couple (Wagner). If dating websites do not work for some singles, they will still work for other singles who can accept small deceptions. Deception in online dating environment causes different effects to the romantic relationships. It can be negative, neutral, or positive. Many people claim that their deceptions do not attect their relationships online because they balance their misrepresentative information with accurate photos (Wagner). When online daters post full body-length images, people can compare their personal information with their pictures. Even if the online dater lists herself as average, people can still judge her body shape by themselves. Furthermore, one participant shared her experience with a man who used a little white lie to impress her. She didnt find out the truth until they married. Yet, deception did not hurt their relationships because he felt that was not bad to tell white lies (Wagner). So, deception has no effect in these kinds of situations. In addition, becoming an extreme honest person can be negative because it actually can harm the person himself/herself (Wagner). One participant shares her experience with one online dater who thinks she is deceptive at first, then realizes her personal description is accurate and then runs away. This really hurts one persons self-esteem. Due to the common deceptive phenomenon, many people think online daters are not exactly the same as their profiles describe nd online daters might be better than they describe themselves. Therefore, become a too honest person is not always a good thing. In the same way, becoming too dishonest will also harm the romantic relationships. When people misrepresent themselves too much, they will be unconfident when they meet their partners in person, because they do not want to disappoint the other person with who they are. Some people feel violated by the dating websites with numerous misleading profiles. For example, eHarmony does not indicate whether some people are married or not. Thus, eHarmony might mislead individuals to find the wrong partners (Wagner). As a result some online daters are not willing to use dating websites anymore. For those people who frequently lie to their dates, they experience less intimacy and closeness (Cole). People Just become more skeptical and cautious when they surfing dating websites. Without feeling love from online daters, the new fragile relationships will eventually end easily. In conclusion, to help children be successful in finding a partner on dating websites, parents can give some special advice of telling white lies. Online daters had better not be too honest or dishonest; otherwise they might get injured from online dating relationships.